I love it when people ask for me to hate their site.  It’s like being a lion at the zoo.  They just throw fresh and juicy meat in your cage and you get to tear it to shreds.  But sometimes it’s nice to go back to my roots to hate on websites that don’t ask for it.  So today I present the first installment of Unsolicited Hate, aimed at CNN.com

Your first thought is probably that I’m a Fox News man and I think CNN’s got some sort of horrible liberal bias.  Well, you’re wrong.  So stop thinking.  Fox News is worse in almost every way and is begging for it’s own Unsolicited Hate column.   No, this review is firmly aimed at CNN’s website.

CNN.com is my homepage.  I like seeing what’s going on in the world whenever I open up Firefox.  When a nuclear bomb goes off in Pakistan I want to be the first to know.  It won’t change my morning routine, but I want to know so I can sound intelligent when I get  to work.  Unfortunately CNN likes to bury important stories for things they think we care more about.  Like Britney Spears or some injured veteran who’s now humping puppies.  You have to glance over to the side bar to see the actual news.  I know Anderson Cooper’s got a lot of pull over there but I’m not going to CNN.com for the sappy stories.  I want news.  If you don’t have news, make some.  Start the second Spanish/American war.

The thing that pisses me off the most about CNN.com is the video clips.  Yes, the internet is advanced and the majority of people have high speed internet access in their houses but sometimes I just want to glance at a story, not commit five minutes of my time to it.  And sometimes the video doesn’t even show what’s advertised.  The other day I saw a headline that said “Bill Clinton Confronts Heckler.”  I noticed it was a video and said, “Oh good!  I like Clinton and I want to see what he said to a heckler.”  I wasn’t expecting a Chris Rock type moment, but I figured it’d be amusing.  So I click on the link and an ad pops up.  Fine.  I watch the ad.  Then the video loads up.  Fine.  Two minutes of my life are already gone but I figure it’s worth it if I get to see Bill dig into some retard.  The video is finished loading and I hit play.  After another promo (ad for a CNN show) the anchor gets on and says, “Stories are coming out today about a possible confrontation between a heckler and Bill Clinton.”

There was no video of the incident and they weren’t even sure the incident took place.  They should have labeled the clip “Did Bill Clinton Confront a Heckler?”  It would have been honest.  But no, they wanted to waste about three minutes of my life that could have been spent doing something important like waiting for porn to download.

CNN’s like the rest of us, they need people to look and click on their ads.  I totally get that.  But why do you have to use your video clips to tease and mislead people who just want to see the news?   I gladly waited for those UFO in Texas stories to load up and I happily sat through an ad because I got what I was promised.  Don’t lie to me CNN.com or I’ll never trust you again.